Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
