if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
