ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
