I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
