"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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