i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My vagina just clenched in fear
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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