I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
