you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
