my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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