So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize