she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
