Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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