I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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