i would punch a child for taco bell
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
