Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
