You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
