Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
