high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
