If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this boner is exhausting
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
