I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
