Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
