I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dicks are not precious.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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