Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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