I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
