That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
