I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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