I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
