forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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