I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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