The maid of honor just puked.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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