Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
