I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
