you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
