Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
