life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
