can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have fence marks all over my body
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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