Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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