y did u give ur computer a hand job?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
