i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize