I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
