Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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