so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
