I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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