why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
