Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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