i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
