lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
