i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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