Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
