Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
