So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
