Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
