It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
