So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize