I puked a lego.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize