there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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