I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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