I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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