The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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