I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I could make wine with my vomit
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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