OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
