I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
