I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
