My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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