the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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