I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she told me i tasted like america
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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