I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
