im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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