So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So vagazzling was a success
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