New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
