I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
