Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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